Posts by Victorian sky

30

To Fade or Not Fade

by daniel-p in

jw
friends

so it's been five months that i've been on jwd and i've made a lot of progress.

first i want to thank everyone, wholeheartedly, for the encouragement i've recieved here.

when i first posted i was still an ms, and being used in the cong.

DP, you are taking a spiritual stand. It takes guts to be true to yourself, to examine your belief system, to use your brain and act with your heart, that kind of courage is rare among the 'brothers' of the org. Your wife doesn't want any of them, she wants you so even though you're changing shower her with the love and affection many dub wives are starved for. Be a better husband to her now and she'll wonder, what is up with you? Maybe she'll ask questions. It may take time so be patient with her and with yourself. God bless - V Sky

25

Hello!

by shera13 in

i admit i have been a lurker for a few months and now i can finally talk to u guys!

i want to thank you guys for your honesty on this site and your humor...my husband and i formally dissassociated ourselves from the darling watchtower a few months ago and your site helped us keep our chins up!

we particularly enjoy blondies weekly commentaries on the watchtower articles!

Victorian sky

Welcome Maria! I know the transition out of the org is hard and at times painful but you're not alone. You and your husband have eachother and you have all of us. We'll be your friends with no conditions. Hang in there, it gets much better. - V Sky

33

How to reply to the inevitable invitation to Memorial this year...

by nsrn in

jw
friends

i'm anticipating a series of visitis from the witnesses to invite me to memorial.

every year i get a few with the preprinted invitation, a couple slightly old magazines, and big smiles.

these are people who i grew up with, who were kind to me, who honestly think my fade out will cost my eternal soul at the big a. these are the same people who pick up my elderly parents for meetings, bring them food when they are sick, and change their rusted out water heater for them in the dead of winter.

Victorian sky

It can be hard. Last year my in-laws sent us a memorial invitation with a handwritten note on the back filled with guilt and emotional blackmail. First they pleaded with us, it would make them so happy if we went, that turned into 'You're showing gross disrespect for Jesus and Jehovah by not going to the memorial'. It was tough but we didn't go and they didn't ask. We went to easter at our church instead and celebrated the resurrection of Christ in a joyous atmosphere instead of the doom and gloom of the memorial. I know you don't want to hurt your parents or these JWs that are helping them.This day means something to them even though it means nothing to us so I try to soften the blow and say, 'Thank you for the invitation, we'll see.' That's code for - 'hell no, we're not going!' I say it with a smile but firm, no further conversation or explanation. Do what works for you. Please tell us how it goes. God Bless - V Sky

11

Life Update: Our Wedding and a JW Funeral

by Victorian sky in

it's been a while, hope all is well.

lot's of family drama on my end, it's a bit long, please bear with me.

on a happy note - primitive genius and i met on this forum, fell in love and got married!

Victorian sky

thanks everyone!

30

To Fade or Not Fade

by daniel-p in

jw
friends

so it's been five months that i've been on jwd and i've made a lot of progress.

first i want to thank everyone, wholeheartedly, for the encouragement i've recieved here.

when i first posted i was still an ms, and being used in the cong.

Victorian sky

Willyloman gave great advice. I faded 3 years ago. My JW family know that I go to church but they don't ask and I don't volunteer information so we can still have a close relationship. At first they freaked out and hounded me about going back to meetings, they wanted to know why I wasn't going. If I were in their shoes I'd do the same. So empathize with your family, they haven't changed you have and because they love you they'll want and maybe expect an explaination. Your wife may also be afraid of the changes in you 'cause if you leave the org what would that mean for your marriage? As a girl, I highly recommend that you reassure her of your love and faithfulness so that she knows the marriage is solid. By fading you'll give yourself time to heal - you'll work through the anger and hurt - get therapy if you need to. In the mean time, you can build a new support system through community service or a charity of interest (mine is the American Red Cross!) I've met the coolest people who really care about helping others. And or join a club that revolves around a hobby or interest where you have something in common with a group, doing something you love. I don't know what your beliefs are, maybe you're still sorting that out but I'm a Christian now and I've never been happier. The day may come when I'm d'fed but they'll have to do it without me. I'm not bound by their man made rules - I will not sit through a JC or D'A myself, I'm just living the life God gave me and enjoying every minute of it. I wish you all the best with your family and whatever decision you make I hope you won't lose them. - Sincerely, V-Sky

22

Stay away from the Weirdos!!

by Gill in

oh dear!

this is not something i want to tell my mum about.

she would be horrified to hear it.

Victorian sky

Startingover - thanks for the link, interesting information.

Only18 - After I left the org, i was stunned to discover what churches worldwide do through their ministries. My church has 80 outreach ministries that preach/clothe/feed/house/teach people in prisons, hospitals, in their private homes, there's even a biker's ministry with tough guy harley davidson types that pull up to church in a caravan it's awesome. There are singles ministries that go on cool trips and help people fall in love and maintain their marriages - how many bitter JW singles could benefit from that! What I did knocking on doors, when i pioneered was pointless, i wasn't helping anybody, it made me feel righteous but churches are doing mighty things to actually help people spiritually, emotionally, and physically as the first century christians did.

As a JW I felt out of place at times, but always superior in the smug knowledge that i had the 'truth'. I had no idea how we were percieved by others. Try going to any Chrisitian book store, look in the cult section, that's where you'll find books on JWs - that's how JW are viewed. Just another mind controlling man made religion.

32

Where would you go?

by collegegirl21 in

jw
friends

if you could go any place in the world and not worry about money, food, clothing, etc... where would you go?

Victorian sky

So many places but if money were no object, I'd go with my hubby on a tour of Italy to Rome, Milan, Portofino and Venice, eat all the pasta and pizza we want and take in the culture and history. We wouldn't stay in major hotels but small bed and breakfasts and visit every palace and castle we could find. Then privately re-new our vows in a medieval church and celebrate with the locals.

31

What Would It Take For Your JW Family/Friend To Get Out?

by minimus in

jw
friends

is there anything that might get your witness relative or friend out of the "truth"??

?

Victorian sky

MsMcducket made a good point. I didn't leave for 5 years after my initial doubts because I didn't want to leave God. In a twisted way, it's masterful how the gb has firmly planted the concept of 'We're not God, we're not divinely inspired, we're just good imperfect men but if you leave our org, you're not leaving us you're betraying God'. It's warped and it works because I loved Jehovah and I wasn't about to turn my back on my creator. Even when I was pioneering, deep down, I knew it wasn't the truth but I could not leave God. When I was finally able to make the seperation in my mind between loving God and crazy ass org then I was free. We can't give up on our family or friends no matter how impossible it seems, I pray for them everyday and I'm not going to stop until they're out. After all, nothing is impossible with God. I was a fanatical, die hard JW, I believed it with every cell in my body, there's no way I would've responded to anything dotrinal or a gb scandal it was the example of real christians - their love, their happiness, that made me wonder. - V Sky

11

Life Update: Our Wedding and a JW Funeral

by Victorian sky in

it's been a while, hope all is well.

lot's of family drama on my end, it's a bit long, please bear with me.

on a happy note - primitive genius and i met on this forum, fell in love and got married!

Victorian sky

Hi everyone! It's been a while, hope all is well. Lot's of family drama on my end, it's a bit long, please bear with me. On a happy note - primitive genius and I met on this forum, fell in love and got married! We just celebrated our 2nd wedding anniversary. Here's something ironic: We planned a small non-denominational wedding. Well that didn't go over well with our JW family at all. (His dad and my uncle are both the p.o's of their cong) Even though we'd both been inactive for months my uncle insisted on giving us marriage counseling from the family book and wanted to do our wedding talk. We were like, gee, thanks but hell no! Now, my uncle was so popular that couples begged him to do their talks, he was booked for months in advance. Well we had zero interest in a JW wedding and it pissed him off. So he offered again, we refused, he insisted. He went so far as to pressuring my mom into guilting us into it. He was a cancer survivor at the time and told mom we'd be granting his dying wish! Now, for years he treated my aunt like crap but he could give the best talks on marriage. We're not hypocrites so the answer was still, thanks but no. We wondered why the p.o of a cong would insist on marrying 2 people 'not in good standing'? Of course, for how it would look to the 'friends'. Forget about us. He told me angrily that everything I do reflects on him. It was all about his position and reputation. So we had our candlelit non denominational ceremony. Another irony, my aunt and uncle came late on purpose to treat us like a 'wordly' couple and planned to attend the reception only but I was late getting there so they got the ceremony too complete with unity candle and a prayer by the justice of the peace! When the video camera pans the guests - the few JW 'friends' we invited whispered and glared at the JP during the prayer. It saddens and amazes me that we were once that judgmental. Imagine the arrogance to think that only JW prayers count? Regardless, we had a great time and we even had a toast. Come to find out, the JWs thought I was pregnant at my wedding (again, their arrogance, thinking that only they live up to moral biblical principals - we didn't do the deed until our wedding night) They also predicted we wouldn't last - here we are 2 years later and happy and they're still trying to figure out how and why.

Now, 2 years after our wedding, same uncle elder dies and we attend his funeral. It was held in the assembly hall - 600 attended. (my aunt proudly told us they had to get the permission of the society to have the talk there) We never wanted to step foot in a hall again but we did it for family in their time of need. So after 3 years of refreshing Christian freedom we got to hear 600 JWs sing 'life without end at last' and hear a talk about their dotrinal belief about the dead. It was a nightmare, really oppressive but we prayed and God saw us through. Okay, I did rebel, I wore dress pants in the hall, it was so liberating not to wear a frumpy skirt or dress down to my ankles. Some interesting observations: I knew most of the people in attendance for about 20 years. Even though I'm not d'fd or d'ad many made eye contact and quickly looked away, keep in mind we're at a funeral for my relative and they have nothing to say to me. A few gave me hugs and returned my greetings. Strangely enough, not one JW said to me or my 'wordly' family - we're sorry for your loss - only the JW family members got that. What do they think? We don't grieve as they do? They have to be the coldest group of people on the planet. After the funeral talk, the p.o. of my last cong. comes up to me, get's in my face, very fanatical and says 'don't forget what you were taught, don't forget.' Primitive just glared at him and led me away. Had another JW say, 'I hear you're not in the truth anymore.' I said, 'We're no longer Witnesses if that's what you mean but we're here to support my aunt in her time of grief.' That shut her up. Overall, we got puzzled looks. We're not crack addicts, alcoholics, demon possessed or divorced - we're happily married without their precious org - how is it we've survived without the gb to feed us? We're Chrisitians now. At our church we're part of a ministry that educates Christians about JW dotrine, how to witness to JWs and also an outreach to help JWs cope with the issues of leaving. We're an unconditional support system for them. We haven't lost our families - yet. Mine all talk to me even though they know I go to church. Primitive's family suspect we go to church but they're too afraid to ask. They also talk to us. We don't hide who we are but we don't rub it in their face either. We're just happy and the JWs can't figure out why or how. Anyway, I want to thank everyone on this board for helping both of us heal after leaving the so called truth. And we're grateful for the forum since we have a unique stroy to tell our grandkids about how we met. - Love, Vsky

5

Your Oscar Picks

by dark hunter in

i'm hoping for:.

best picture: crash - just for the deep subject matter and the great cast/acting.. best actress: would love to see keira knightley get it but reese would be o.k.. best supporting actress: catherine keener or rachel weisz.

best supporting actor: george clooney 'cause i've lusted after him since er but i'd love william hurt to get it, he cracked me up in 'a history of violence'.

Victorian sky

I'd like George Clooney to win, stictly for his acting ability of course! Hope there's another Adrian Brody moment.